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As a psychologist, I frequently work with men whose partners have left them.They are often surprised by the level of anguish they experience.
Anger can be a tool to regain power, punishing with words and deeds the person who seems to be causing the pain. “She cheated on me, she was always drinking, she was a lousy wife/mother/sister.” We have all heard these howls from our friends who are separated.
Another way that men use their anger to feel powerful is to punish the departing partner by damaging her reputation, reporting long kept secrets or complaints, attempting to diminish her to her friends, family and community.
Men who deal with separation with intense anger often pay a high price for using such a destructive and ultimately ineffective coping mechanism.
Many people are surprised to learn that a majority of divorces are initiated by women. The fact that men are deeply affected by divorce, especially if they did not choose that solution, is not hard to understand.
Myths persist that men are less in need of the comfort and support that a stable relationship provides but this is not the case.